The White Squall

I haven't written; I've had writer's block.
I haven't expressed myself; I've had an emotional wall.
I haven't spoken; I've been mute.
I haven't read; I've had my mind closed.

Minor cuts and scrapes. Penny sized bruises. Minute infractions. Diminutive at a glance; there's no need to share the affliction. The big things seemed so monstrous; the little things seemed so effortless.

With a white squall amidst, a massive wave crashes upon my squandered time. The realization set in… the swell which has enveloped my days was an accumulation of little things. It wasn't the big things after all.

I carry the affliction. I bare it on my shoulders. I see its weight in my eyes. I hear the imperfections in my voice. I feel the millstones in my heart.

So how to rid myself of this well developed burden? A burden whose heaviness is more savage than an innocent prey succumbing to a lion's vicious maul?

As I stammer across the fields of time, I bring every weight with me; slowly reaching a sordid pit. I take one burden at a time, gradually peeling each layer of sin off my surface and placing it at the foot of the cross.

For I know the voice of joy and the voice of gladness.
For I know 'not a trace will be left of the wicked or their families. The Lord protects His people, and they can come to Him in times of trouble. The Lord helps them and saves them from the wicked because they run to Him.'

And with this knowledge I bring the swell which has consumed me. I bring my battered and injured soul. I bring my heart, my mind, myself; all pieces of me.

I peel away the imperfections. I praise my Almighty Father. I pray for his mercy. I read and learn of His ways and wishes for me.

And in this the white squall subdues. What began as minute infractions; what brought me to a sordid pit has diminished at His feet! Now with hands raised high, I celebrate the grandeur of our Lord in a pinnacle of revelry!

Dare I share my story… Dare I speak of my defeats and triumphs… Dare I share stories of His glory…

Dare you listen and heed these words wholeheartedly?

by: DeAna Colon

When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

by David M. Romano

When tomorrow starts without me,
and I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry,
the way you did today,
while thinking of the many things,
we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
as much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand,
that an Angel came and called my name,
and took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
in heaven far above,
and that I'd have to leave behind,
all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
a tear fell from my eye,
for all life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
so much yet to do,
it seemed almost impossible,
that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
just even for awhile,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you
and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
that this could never be,
for emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
my heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity,
and all I've promised you".
Today for life on earth is past,
but here it starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
but today will always last,
and since each day's the same day,
there's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful,
so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
you knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven
and now at last you're free.
So won't you take my hand
and share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
don't think we're far apart,
for every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

Through Your Eyes

Through your eyes, you see a deviant. Someone
capable and willing to deceive for her own benefit.
In His eyes I am perfectly made, working passed the flesh.

Through your ears you hear half truths,
never fully believing spoken words.
In His ear, He hears my true desires.
The innermost thoughts and truths yet to be vocalized.

Through your mind I am to be doubted
or questioned, with intentions all my own.
In His mind I am beautiful.
Beautifully broken.
And loved nonetheless.

His senses carry me farther than
any idea, image or word of yours.
And that is what matters most to me.

And with that I will continue to sing His praise.

Whether it falls upon deaf ears.
Whether it passes a blind eye.
Whether it enters a closed mind.

My praise is His.
And I am His.
Beautifully broken.

by: DeAna Colon

Being A Mother...

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of "starting a family."

"We're taking a survey," she says, half-joking. "Do you think I should have a baby?"

"It will change your life," I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

"I know," she says, "no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations...."

But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of childbearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking "What if that had been MY child?" That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.

I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of "Mom!" will cause her to drop a soufflé, or her best crystal without a moment's hesitation.

I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for child care but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby's sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.

I want my daughter to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five year old boy's desire to go to the men's room rather than the women's at McDonald's will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second-guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years - not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a Caesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor.

My daughter's relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic.

I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children's future.

I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or a cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts.

My daughter's quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. "You'll never regret it," I finally say. Then I reach across the table, squeeze my daughter's hand and offer a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble their way into this most wonderful of callings. This blessed gift from God…that of being a Mother.

Isaiah 66:13 (NIV)
"As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem."

A Tale of True Friendship

"A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity." (Proverbs 17: 17)

Five Senses

Taste – to sense the sweet taste of Christ’s Word in my life
"How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" (Psalm 119:103)

Touch – to feel the Holy Spirit working within me
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1)

Sight – to see His works impacting my life
"I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength" (Ephesians 1:18-19)

Hear – to hear His word within me in order to grow spiritually
"He that has an ear let him hear what the Spirit is saying to the churches." (Revelation chapters 2 and 3)

Smell – to take in the sweet smell of God’s wondrous Word
"I have been paid back everything, and with interest. I am completely satisfied with the gifts that you had Epaphroditus bring me. They are like a sweet-smelling offering or like the right kind of sacrifice that pleases God." (Philippians 4:18)


We dwell in a tangible world but we can use our senses in a spiritual light.

To fully embrace God’s grandeur... the blessings of our senses.

Friends

This is an email I received from a very good friend.
Thanks for sharing this!

I love you & thank God for having you in my life!!

How Many Friends Do You Have?

Think about it....

The old man turned to me and asked
"How many friends have you?"
Why 10 or 20 Friends have I,
And named off just a few--
He rose quite slow with effort
And sadly shook his head
"A lucky child you are
To have so many friends," he said,
But think of what you're saying
There is so much you do not know
A friend is just not someone
to whom you say "Hello"

A friends a tender shoulder
on which to softly cry
A well to poor your troubles down
and raise your spirits high

A friend is a hand to pull you up
From darkness and despair...
when all your other "so called" friends
Have helped to put you there

A true friend is an ally
who can't be moved or bought
a voice to keep your name alive
when others have forgot

But most of all a friend is a heart
a strong and sturdy wall
for from the hearts of friends
There comes the greatest love of all
So think of what I've spoken
for every word is true

And answer once again my child
How many friends have you??
And then he stood and faced me
Awaiting my reply

Softly I answered
If Lucky......
One Have "I"
"YOU!!!!!"

[ Author Unknown -- from 'Love Quotes' ]

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~


A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity.
(Proverbs 17:17)

Acquainted With Grief

Today marks the 10 yr anniversary of my father's passing. Although it's easier to cope with as the years go by, there is still, and will always be, a part of me that misses him terribly.

To a hero through his daughter's eyes...
Dec 24, 1952 - Feb 4, 1999

I've gotten used to missing you,
My grief's begun to ease;
I don't sit down to write you notes
Or phone to shoot the breeze.
When in a crowd someone may laugh
Or sound a lot like you;
And then the pain will grip my heart
And flood my soul anew.

I've gotten used to missing you,
I'm learning day by day
To focus on good memories
And put the rest away.
On strong days I scan photographs
Of happy times we knew;
I picture Jesus in my mind
And place Him next to you.

I've gotten used to missing you,
And though it's been ten years;
I still am just a thought away
From aching and from tears.
But my sorrow will have an end,
So let the teardrops pour;
Until I'm once again with you
And the One who loves you more.

Selfishness and Love

Selfishness and love. Not too often does someone speak of these two words jointly. In many cases in life, although they are opposites, selfishness and love go hand in hand.

Selfishness is focused on satisfying its own flesh while Love is focused on pleasing others.

So is it possible for someone to be selfish and still love wholeheartedly? The answer is no. Here’s why…

The breakdown

LOVE: The bible explains different facets of love. The simplest of understandings (and most commonly known) is in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV), Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

SELFISHNESS: According to the gospel, selfishness (and pride… since they have similar traits) only causes trouble and dissonance. God sees this as sinful and those who partake in it will not inherit His Kingdom.

1 John 2:16 (CEV) Our foolish pride comes from this world, and so do our selfish desires and our desire to have everything we see. None of this comes from the Father.

Proverbs 13:10 (CEV)
Too much pride causes trouble.
Be sensible and take advice

Proverbs 18:1 (NIV)
An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgment.

So how does selfishness affect love?

In being selfish, people usually mistreat other people because of their own feelings. There is more emphasis on "me" or "my" or "I" as opposed to taking the other into consideration. With that as a foundation, they cannot really love… TRULY LOVE… someone else because of their over abundance of self-love. In other words, this "self love" doesn’t allow a person to love entirely because they’re feeding a selfish pride instead.

Solution or Resolution (if you will):

The bible tells us to love one another as God has loved us
(John 13:34).
The bible tells us to be devoted to and honor one another
(Romans 12:10).
The bible tells us to have concern for one another
(1 Corinthians 12:25).

We are instructed to humble ourselves before the Lord so that we may move in life with an abundance of humility, respect, love, and understanding towards one another. In order to achieve this, we must first be fair with ourselves… set our path on His ways, not the ways of the selfish and prideful. After all, if we are not fair to ourselves then we will have a hard time being fair to others.

Philippians 2:3 (NIV) Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.

James 3:17 (NIV) But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere

We must all take the time to re-evaluate ourselves. Where do we fall short? What are our inequities? Do these shortcomings impact others? If so, how? And, most importantly, have we brought these to the Lord??

Find refuge in the Lord and He will bring you past these weaknesses. He will continue to transform you into a creature of light and wonderment; a child of God. Your growth, humility, respect, love, and understanding will pour out from within, embracing all whom you reach.

Days of the Week with God

Monday, Wash Day
Lord, help me wash away all my selfishness and
Vanity, so I may serve you with perfect humility
Through the week ahead.

Tuesday, Ironing Day
Dear Lord, help me iron out all the wrinkles
Of prejudice I have collected through the years
So that I may see the beauty in others.

Wednesday, Mending Day
O God, help me mend my ways so I will not
Set a bad example for others.

Thursday, Cleaning Day
Lord Jesus, help me to dust out all the many faults
I have been hiding in the secret corners of my heart.

Friday, Shopping Day
O God, give me the grace to shop wisely so I may purchase
eternal happiness for myself and all others In need of love.

Saturday, Cooking Day
Help me, my Savior, to brew a big kettle of brotherly
Love and serve it with clean, sweet bread of human kindness.

Sunday, The Lord's Day
O God, I have prepared my house for you. Please
Come into my heart so I may spend the day and the
Rest of my life in your presence.

The Yellow Shirt

This is a forwarded email I received from a friend. Whether the story is true or not, I don't know. But the message it holds is one worth sharing.

--------------------------------------------

The yellow shirt had long sleeves, four extra-large pockets trimmed in black thread and snaps up the front. It was faded from years of wear, but still in decent shape. I found it in 1963 when I was home from college on Christmas break, rummaging through bags of clothes Mom intended to give away. 'You're not taking that old thing, are you?!? Mom said when she saw me packing the yellow shirt. 'I wore that when I was pregnant with your brother in 1954!'



It's just the thing to wear over my clothes during art class, Mom. Thanks!' I slipped it into my suitcase before she could object. The yellow shirt became a part of my college wardrobe. I loved it. After graduation, I wore the shirt the day I moved into my new apartment and on Saturday mornings when I cleaned.



The next year, I married.. When I became pregnant, I wore the yellow shirt during big-belly days. I missed Mom and the rest of my family, since we were in Colorado and they were in Illinois . But that shirt helped. I smiled, remembering that Mother had worn it when she was pregnant, 15 years earlier.



That Christmas, mindful of the warm feelings the shirt had given me, I patched one elbow, wrapped it in holiday paper and sent it to Mom. When Mom wrote to thank me for her 'real' gifts, she said the yellow shirt was lovely. She never mentioned it again.



The next year, my husband, daughter and I stopped at Mom and Dad's to pick up some furniture. Days later, when we uncrated the kitchen table, I noticed something yellow taped to its bottom. The shirt!



And so the pattern was set...



On our next visit home, I secretly placed the shirt under Mom and Dad's mattress. I don't know how long it took for her to find it, but almost two years passed before I discovered it under the base of our living-room floor lamp. The yellow shirt was just what I needed now while refinishing furniture. The walnut stains added character.



In 1975 my husband and I divorced. With my three children, I prepared to move back to Illinois . As I packed, a deep depression overtook me. I wondered if I could make it on my own. I wondered if I would find a job. I paged through the Bible, looking for comfort. In Ephesians, I read, 'So use every piece of God's armor to resist the enemy whenever he attacks, and when it is all over, you will be standing up.' (Ephesians 6:11-13)



I tried to picture myself wearing God's armor, but all I saw was the stained yellow shirt. Slowly, it dawned on me. Wasn't my mother's love a piece of God's armor? My courage was renewed.



Unpacking in our new home, I knew I had to get the shirt back to Mother. The next time I visited her, I tucked it in her bottom dresser drawer.



Meanwhile, I found a good job at a radio station. A year later I discovered the yellow shirt hidden in a rag bag in my cleaning closet. Something new had been added. Embroidered in bright green across the breast pocket were the words 'I BELONG TO PAT.'



Not to be outdone, I got out my own embroidery materials and added an apostrophe and seven more letters. Now the shirt proudly proclaimed, 'I BELONG TO PAT'S MOTHER.' But I didn't stop there. I zig-zagged all the frayed seams, then had a friend mail the shirt in a fancy box to Mom from Arlington, VA We enclosed an official looking letter from 'The Institute for the Destitute,' announcing that she was the recipient of an award for good deeds. I would have given anything to see Mom's face when she opened the box. But, of course, she never mentioned it.



Two years later, in 1978, I remarried. The day of our wedding, Harold and I put our car in a friend's garage to avoid practical jokers. After the wedding, while my husband drove us to our honeymoon suite, I reached for a pillow in the car to rest my head. It felt lumpy. I unzipped the case and found, wrapped in wedding paper, the yellow shirt. Inside a pocket was a note: 'Read John 14:27 -29. I love you both, Mother..'



That night I paged through the Bible in a hotel room and found the verses: 'I am leaving you with a gift: peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid. Remember what I told you: I am going away, but I will come back to you again. If you really love me, you will be very happy for me, for now I can go to the Father, who is greater than I am. I have told you these things before they happen so that when they do, you will believe in me.'


The shirt was Mother's final gift. She had known for three months that she had terminal Lou Gehrig's disease. Mother died the following year at age 57.



I was tempted to send the yellow shirt with her to her grave. But I'm glad I didn't, because it is a vivid reminder of the love-filled game she and I played for 16 years. Besides, my older daughter is in college now, majoring in art. And every art student needs a baggy yellow shirt with big pockets.

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So many times we drown in despair, in worrying about the 'what ifs' and the shoulda, coulda, woulda. What we fail to realize is that God's presence in our lives is apparent in every thought, action & interaction. We know that the bible is armor against the enemy... but we must also acknowledge that love... loving one another, loving ourselves, and loving our Lord is our armor. These relationships, built on love, put a stronghold on the enemy's attempts to break us down and shatter our faith.

Take the little things in life and embrace them. Know that God uses the people in your life to minister to you as well, even if just in an action.

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." Colossians 2:6-7

Just for... I am...

*Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.

*Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.

*Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.

*Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck and I will buy you one if he comes by.

*Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about
what you are going to be when you grow up, or
second guess every decision I have made where
you are concerned.

*Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me
bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to
fix them.

*Just for this afternoon, I will take us to
McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you
can have both toys.

*Just for this evening, I will hold you in my
arms and tell you a story about how you were
born and how much I love you.

*Just for this evening, I will let you splash in
the tub and not get angry.

*Just for this evening, I will let you stay up
late while we sit on the porch and count all the
stars.

*Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside
you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.

*Just for this evening when I run my finger
through your hair as you pray, I will simply be
grateful that God has given me the greatest gift
ever given.

*I will think about the mothers And fathers who
are searching for their missing children, the
mothers and fathers who are visiting their
children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and
mothers and fathers who are in hospital rooms
watching their children suffer senselessly, and
screaming inside that they can't handle it
anymore.

*And when I kiss you good night I will hold you
a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will
thank God for you, and ask Him for nothing,
except one more day.............

A Prayer For Love

Teach me to love, Lord, as You love,

Make it unconditional, honest, and kind,

To ask nothing back in return, Lord,

To encompass the whole of mankind.

May I offer my love without speaking,

May it radiate as it shines forth from me,

May it be seen in my face and my eyes, Lord,

May it be simple, sincere, and shame free.

Show me how to forgive, Lord, as You do,

To not burden another with guilt,

To not play the role of the martyr,

To be a rock on which trust may be built.

Make my love for others be greater by far

Than any love that is offered to me,

Led by the Spirit, Inspired of God,

As forgiving as Jesus...and free.

by Virginia (Ginny) Ellis